The Dumbest Smartphone Apps

  • Dumbing Down Your Smartphone

    Let’s face it, just because the phone is brilliant doesn’t mean all the apps for it are. There are more than 150,000 apps for the iPhone alone, and new app stores seem to pop up every few weeks. Google opened its own app store earlier this month and Verizon is launching one this week. With all of the apps floating around, there’s bound to be some terrible ones. Here’s our roundup of the most useless and frustrating apps available on smartphones. Some of the ones on this list have since been discontinued, but many are still available. So here’s our word of warning: never pay money for any of these and only download them for free if you take pleasure in deleting stuff off your phone. Photo Credit: Bart Claeys
    HangTime
  • HangTime

    When it comes to ridiculously stupid apps, Hangtime for the iPhone takes the cake.  For 99 cents, the app measured how high, how fast and how often you can throw your iPhone in the air. In other words, the app asks you to pay for the opportunity to destroy your phone. What’s worse is that according to the app’s Web site, more than 2,000 phones have been thrown in the air. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    I Am Rich(er)
  • I Am Rich(er)

    As if your smartphone isn’t enough of a status symbol, one app developer thought it would be a good idea to create the I Am Richer app. Basically, you pay $200 (the maximum price in the Android app store) to download a picture of a pretty blue diamond, which you can then show off to people at parties (or probably just one party, since I’m pretty sure that once the word gets out that you’ve bought this, invitations to parties won’t be coming your way any more). Android users really have no excuse for buying this one. A similar app called I Am Rich was available for the iPhone. The only difference is this app cost $999 and it was a red ruby instead of a blue diamond. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Revolver
  • Revolver

    We know it’s tough to be a Wall Street banker these days, but this is not the way out! For $2.99, Blackberry owners can purchase an app called Revolver, which allows you to load fake bullets into a gun and play virtual Russian Roulette with it, or just pretend to shoot people. I’m pretty sure this one will not go over well in the office. Photo Credit: Blackberry App World
    Bleep Button
  • Bleep Button

    This one is pretty bad and even worse since it’s actually popular. The Bleep Button is an iPhone app that lets you press a button to make a loud bleep noise. The goal, according to the app’s description, is to bleep out curse words. But ultimately, it just seems like a tool to frustrate people around you. Last week, however, it was one of the most downloaded free apps. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Beer Counter
  • Beer Counter

    We’ve written about this app before in our list of the worst apps for the iPhone. The app does exactly what it claims to – each time you drink a beer, you just tap this app and it keeps a tab of how many you’ve had. Maybe in theory this makes some sense, but in practice it’s useless. After all, if you get to the point where you can’t count how many beers you’ve had in your head, you probably won’t have the mental fortitude to remember to keep tapping your phone. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Do Not Press the Red Button
  • Do Not Press the Red Button

    Speaking of dumb button-based apps, we can’t leave out this one for the iPhone. Like the previous app, this one just has a red button on the screen, but this time you are absolutely not meant to press it. Or else. (Actually, all that happens is that each time you press it, a different message pops up either criticizing you or daring you to do it again.) According to the app’s description, the perks of this app are an “easy to use user interface” and a “not so complicated story.” In other words, this is the app you go to when you get tired of apps that require some thought. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Tank Ace 1944 (Lite)
  • Tank Ace 1944 (Lite)

    The Blackberry has a fair amount of lousy games. My least favorite is called Tank Ace 1944 (Lite). This tank game comes with some decent graphics, but the Lite version (read: free) has one serious limitation: the tank only has five bullets. That is makes for the least interesting fight in history. If you’re going to make a free version of an app, at least allow for the possibility that users could have fun with it. Photo Credit: Blackberry App World
    Girls Night Out Solitaire
  • Girls Night Out Solitaire

    This $5 Blackberry app is sponsored by Cover Girl and manages to turn the loneliest card game into the lamest card game. According to PCWorld, users get to “add girly touches” like high heels and fake girlfriends to the game board. But as Yardena Arar wrote in PCWorld, “Why anyone would want to pay $5 to have inane cartoon ‘girlfriends’ commenting on your gameplay is beyond me.” Photo Credit: Blackberry App World
    The Amazing Birthplace Guesser
  • The Amazing Birthplace Guesser

    This has to be one of the worst games ever designed for a phone, or any other device for that matter. The app asks you to enter the first three digits of your social security number and then it will take a stab at determining where you were born. Either you will end up finding out what you already know, or else be told you were born somewhere else and spend the next few weeks desperately trying to find out why your parents lied to you. Photo Credit: Apple.com
    CowToss
  • CowToss

    If the previous game didn’t sound dumb enough, then maybe you should consider Cow Toss. The game is exactly what it sounds like. There is a cow on your screen and you can toss it by flicking it with your finger. The app costs 99 cents, which is definitely a steal (as in someone is stealing your money) but according to the app store, there have been a few upgrades made to the game including a new “super cool splash screen.” Wow. Pretty much the only use I could possibly see for this is to give chronic cow tippers a less destructive outlet for their shenanigans. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    iTan
  • iTan

    For 99 cents, you can buy an app that turns your iPhone into a make-believe tanning salon. Of course, the tan is really just light from your LCD screen. And did we mention you are actually paying a dollar to basically wave your phone over your skin like an idiot. Although, it is probably healthier for you than going to an actual tanning salon, so that’s a point in its favor. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Amp Up Before You Score
  • Amp Up Before You Score

    Last year, Pepsi decided to promote its “edgy” AMP beverage by creating an equally edgy iPhone app, filled with some terrible and offensive pick-up lines for men based on 24 types of women they may encounter. I won’t post the lines here because they are actually pretty raunchy, but I will say that some of the types of women included cougars and rebound girls. Needless to say that angered a lot of women out there, and Pepsi quickly pulled the app. Really, I think this app is dumb for two reasons: 1) The only thing this app accomplishes is that it increases the likelihood that you will get smacked by an offended woman and 2) It seems like plenty of major companies have managed to create iPhone apps that boost their brands, so why couldn’t Pepsi? Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Hair Clinic
  • Hair Clinic

    This $4 iPhone app may one day prove all the naysayers wrong, but for now, it sounds like the biggest scam in the store. Here is the official description: “HAIR CLINIC generates various types of inaudible high and low frequencies to promote blood circulation around hair roots under the head skin and as a result, hair roots can be provided nutrition normally. That process improves the function of hair roots and the condition of hair. And then you will have healthy and abundant hair.” If you like the sound of this, I’ve got a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. Actually three bridges in Brooklyn and four more in Queens. Photo Credit: iPhone App Store
    Flashlight Apps (for any phone)
  • Flashlight Apps (for any phone)

    According to BBGeeks.com, there are more than a dozen apps available to turn your Blackberry into a flashlight. Most of these, like the Radical Flashlight app, cost several bucks, but here’s the thing: Blackberries have a camera that comes with a flash, essentially making these apps useless. On top of that, Blackberry screens, like those of all smartphones, light up when you touch them, which also could serve as a flashlight. So don’t be fooled into spending money on one of these apps. Photo Credit: Blackberry App World
    Ring Scheduler
  • Ring Scheduler

    This Blackberry app charges $3 so users can set their ringtones based on the time of day. This may prove useful to a few Blackberry users who like to micromanage their existence, but is it really worth $3? Photo Credit: Blackberry App World
    Dance Dance Revolution
  • Dance Dance Revolution

    This may qualify as heresy to some, but I believe the Dance Dance Revolution app, available for $5 on both the iPhone and Blackberry, is a complete waste of time and money. After all, the whole point of the original game is to test your fancy footwork… so what’s the point of downloading it for your phone? To make your fingers more nimble? Photo Credit: Blackberry App World
    Your Feedback
  • Your Feedback

    What’s the worst app you’ve ever downloaded? Or do you feel like defending one of the apps we mentioned in this list? Either way, let us know in the comments section. Photo Credit: daoro
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