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How to Survive Living At Home As An Adult

Top Tips to Help Your Survive your First Job Lay Off 

In Judd Apatow's new comedy Step Brothers, Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly play Brennan Huff and Dale Doback, two childish adults living with their remarried parents and forced to share a room until they find jobs and leave the nest.
   
Sound a little familiar?  

Perhaps your 20-something, 30-something, maybe even 40-something child still lives at home with you. Maybe it’s something you’d like to see change, maybe even quickly. 

Data from the U.S. Census Bureau states that many young adults, 65%, return to their parents’ home after completing college and earning a degree. The vast majority of these “boomerang kids” return home because of the high cost of living. According to adultchildrenlivingathome.com, nearly 25 million adult children currently live with their parents.

If your child seems to be more or less, freeloading, there are ways to give them a gentle push into reality. MainStreet caught up with Susan Morris Shaffer, co-author of “Mom, Can I Move Back In With You? A Survival Guide For Parents of Twenty-Somethings,” and executive director of Parents as Essential Partners at the Parent Information Resource Center for Maryland, for parental advice.  

Manage Expectations
Your child is returning home as an adult, and it’s important to acknowledge this from the start. “It’s easy to fall into old habits,” Shaffer says, “which is why it is important to discuss the rules and expectations before they move in. This includes setting up a reasonable timetable [for leaving], which of course, can be renegotiated.”

As they are no longer teenagers, it is also important that they manage responsibilities around the house, which can include paying certain bills, taking care of younger siblings, or preparing meals. “Parents may have an urge to [baby] their adult children, but the children have to do things for themselves,” she adds. “Taking complete care of them will turn out to be more a disservice to them.”

Evolve as a Parent
As you and your child mature, your role as a parent changes as well, Shaffer says. “You want to parent with less of an instructive role and in turn, become more of a listener and advisor.”

To help your adult child grow up, you can’t instruct them the way you may have when they were younger. This doesn’t mean that they are free to dictate their own rules under your roof, but it’s important to give them space, so long as they handle it responsibly, Shaffer says.

“Parents of adult children should advise upon being asked, simply instructing them may [eat at] their confidence,” she adds.

AVOID: Over-parenting or excessive supervision will ensure rebellion from your adult child, according to adultchildrenlivingathome.com.
Even if there are areas where your adult child seems to be struggling in a certain area, and you’d like to help, it’s important to let them explore, and eventually, find their own way.

What About Money?
Adult children may return to, or never depart from, their childhood homes for a number of reasons, but more often than not it is because they are unable to support themselves financially. “Anytime there is an economic downturn, you will see kids coming back to live at home,” Shaffer says.

And as for employment, landing a dream job, or even a reasonable job, will prove to be much more difficult than anticipated for many adults. As a parent, it is important to always communicate openly and constructively with your child, and this continues into adulthood. If your child has goals of obtaining a certain job, or advancing somehow in their lives, help them establish benchmarks that can lead them to achieving these goals. Most importantly, Shaffer says, is to not allow them to get too comfortable.

Know Your Rights
An adult child may feel entitled to more than you expect to give. It must be made clear that the home is yours, and the rules you lay out must be abided. “It’s ok to say, ‘my house, my rules,’” Shaffer says. “Parents don’t have to feel guilty for having certain standards in their domain. You have to be comfortable in your own home!” One area that may lead to conflict is the “overnight guest policy.” While children are at college, they have much more control over how they run their personal lives than they do living under their parents’ roof. “Some parents just aren’t that comfortable with their children having boyfriends or girlfriends stay overnight,” Shaffer says. “And that’s their prerogative, it must be respected.”  

Check out “Step Brothers” to see if the parents of Brennan and Dale utilize any of these tips. For an in-depth look at “Step Brothers,” check out MainStreet’s sister site, ReelZ, for special trailers, interviews, and more!
  
TAKE THE MAINSTREET QUIZ!
For your child thinking about leaving home: Are they ready? Have them take this quiz and find out.