Label Decoder: When Warnings Really Matter

Phenylalanine

The Warning: “Phenylketonurics: Contains phenylalanine.”

Warnings don't get much more cryptic than this. Often found on diet soda labels, this refers to an amino acid found in aspartame, which is used as an artificial sweetener.

So why are the soda companies required to warn us about this? Is it dangerous?

Not to most people, no. According to the Mayo Clinic, this warning is primarily for people with the genetic disorder known as phenylketonuria, which renders the body incapable of breaking down the amino acid. (You'll know if you have the disorder, as all babies are screened for it before leaving the hospital.) Aside from this, people with anxiety or sleep disorders, or who have any of the other risk factors listed by the Mayo Clinic, should also steer clear of soda bearing this warning.

Photo Credit: Beau B

Iodide

The Warning: “This salt does not supply iodide, a necessary nutrient.”

Humans need to get a certain amount of iodine in their diets to avoid iodine deficiency, which can result in goiter, a swelling of the thyroid gland. In the developed world, iodine is usually added to table salt in the form of iodides (iodine-containing compounds). This warning label simply means that the salt in question doesn't have any added iodide, and thus can't be counted on to stave off iodine deficiency.

So should you be concerned that buying this salt is going to lead to a hideously enlarged thyroid?

“Iodine deficiency in the United States is rare because iodine is added to table salt,” explains the Mayo Clinic. “Most people get enough salt from the foods they eat, without adding salt to their meals.”

In other words, unless this is literally the only salt you get in your diet (say, you’re going to live in the woods for the rest of your life and this is the only salt you’re bringing), you shouldn’t worry about it.

Photo Credit: Matt Brownell

Viagra

The Warning: “In the rare event of an erection lasting more than four hours, seek immediate medical help to avoid long-term injury.”

Yeah, you don't want to ignore this one. This warning is found on product packaging and advertisements for Viagra and other erectile dysfunction drugs, and has inevitably led to all manner of jokes we don’t need to mention in any detail here. But the condition itself is no laughing matter: Priapism, named for the Greek fertility god Priapus, is painful in the short term and potentially damaging in the long-term.

How damaging?

“If the condition is not treated immediately, it can lead to scarring and permanent erectile dysfunction,” explains the Cleveland Clinic. If it happens to you, swallow your pride and get yourself to an emergency room.

Photo Credit: Felix E. Guerrero

Protein Overload

The Warning: “Do not use as a sole source of nutrition.”

You'll see this one on packages of protein powder, a favorite meal for bodybuilders, athletes and other health enthusiasts. And that seems a bit odd at first glance: While weight-loss experts may debate the merits of low-fat versus low-carb diets, a diet rich in lean protein is generally regarded as a good way to build muscle while keeping your weight down.

But eating nothing but protein can get you in trouble. People stranded in the woods with nothing to eat but the lean meat of wild rabbits often find themselves afflicted with “rabbit starvation,” in which the lack of fat and carbohydrates leads to malnutrition. And excessive amounts of protein can cause kidney stones.

So, by all means, drink a protein shake after your workout or for a healthy snack. Just don't expect it to count toward your three squares a day.

Photo Credit: Matt Brownell

Bleach

The Warning: “Do not use or mix with other household chemicals such as toilet bowl cleaners, rust removers, acids or products containing ammonia. To do so will release hazardous, irritating gases.”

This warning is included on the label of a jug of Clorox bleach. And don’t think the company is just trying to scare you away from using competing cleaning products: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention note that “Household chlorine bleach can release chlorine gas if it is mixed with other cleaning agents.”

If chlorine gas sounds familiar, it’s possible you read about it in a history textbook: It was one of the first chemical weapons used in modern warfare, employed by the Germans in World War I to kill Allied troops in the trenches. So unless you want to recreate trench warfare in your bathroom, read the label carefully and avoid mixing bleach with any other cleaning agents.

Photo Credit: Matt Brownell

Silica Gel

The Warning: “DO NOT EAT.”

These little anti-moisture packets are found in everything from bags of beef jerky to shoe boxes, and they all make it very clear that you shouldn’t eat them. But whereas a pack of cigarettes is very clear about why you shouldn’t smoke, silica gel packets don’t really explain the consequences of violating the instructions – or even what the gel is there for.

Silica gel is a desiccant, which means it dries out its environment by absorbing moisture (that’s why you find it in shoeboxes and beef jerky alike). The good news is that, despite the warning, it won’t actually do anything to you if you eat it. The gel is completely nontoxic, and according to the Carolinas Poison Center, the warning is only put on there for two reasons: Because it’s not food, and because small children could potentially choke on it. While we can’t recommend that you eat it, it won’t kill you if you do.

Photo Credit: Eduardo

Q-Tips

The Warning: “Do not insert swab into ear canal. Entering the ear canal could cause injury. If used to clean ears, stroke swab gently around the outer surface of the ear only.”

If you’re like me, you use Q-Tips (or if you buy generic, “cotton swabs”) to dry your ears after a shower and occasionally clean out ear wax. But according to the warning on the back of a box of Q-Tips, we’re doing it wrong.

While this warning was probably written with lawsuits in mind, that doesn’t mean it isn’t good advice. Sticking a Q-Tip into your ear can result in a perforated tympanic membrane (read: a hole in your eardrum), and can even push earwax deeper inside. For these reasons, medical professionals warn against using a Q-Tip in this way, but people don’t seem to be listening: A 2005 study found that about half of the population used Q-Tips to clean their ear canals, and most were unaware of the risks.

Photo Credit: Matt Brownell

Stating the Obvious

While many of these labels warn of a very real danger, other products carry warnings that can only be considered excessive. Clearly fearful of having to deal with lawsuits, product manufacturers warn against all sorts of idiotic misuses of their products, from ironing clothes you’re still wearing to using a hair dryer while sleeping. For the full list, check out MainStreet’s roundup of the most ridiculous product warnings.

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