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Heeere, Liger, Liger, Liger…
When it comes to dangerous animals, the motto of the United States, “Land of the free, home of the brave”, goes a long way in describing the patchwork of laws and statutes that govern what creatures regular folks can keep in a cage in their backyards.
It’s the land of the free because, in general, anyone can get their hands on pretty much any animal known to man as long as it’s not on the Fish & Wildlife Service’s endangered species list, though even there are loopholes to that umbrella legislation.
“For the most part, if you’re commercializing a species on the endangered species list, you’ll most likely run afoul of that law,” says Adam Roberts, executive vice president of Born Free USA, an animal rights advocacy group. He explains that loopholes exist for inbred or hybridized animals, or for animals bred in captivity that never cross state lines. “For most animals,” he adds, “there is always going to be a home somewhere.”
That’s because, thanks to the commerce clause in the U.S. Constitution, the federal government is only allowed to restrict trade between states rather than within them. So, in the home of the brave, it is left to the states themselves to determine what to restrict and what not to, and that leads to a whole spectrum of laws and regulations, of which almost none are uniformly enforced.
Understanding that any animal has probably been kept as a pet in some part of the country, what follows are those animals most commonly subject to restrictions, as determined by a look at the relevant state-level legislation. Be sure to read to the end, because the coolest animal on the list is one of the very few whose possession in any shape or form is a severely punishable offense, and it blows the others out of the water.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Chimpanzees
Anyone looking to live out their own private “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” fantasy is in for a surprise, as there are generally wide restrictions for this coolest of non-human primates.
The chimpanzee is our closest relative in the animal kingdom, sharing 98% of our DNA. In addition to just having an unsettlingly “human” look in their eyes, they have shown some distinctly human behaviors like babysitting that some people would surely love to put to use at home.
Unfortunately, ownership of non-human primates is banned in most states for any purpose other than scientific research. Those that are owned by federal agencies for scientific research are subject to the Chimpanzee Health Improvement Maintenance and Protection (CHIMP) Act, which provides for retirement sanctuaries where the animals live out their lives under close supervision. The law ensures that the chimps are not bred or released to private owners once they “retire”.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Galapagos Tortoises
It may be hard to imagine what threat one of the most slow-moving creatures on Earth poses to communities around the U.S., but the famed Galapagos tortoise is one of those endangered species that federal law prohibits people to own. It’s a shame, because who wouldn’t want to ride around on the back of a gigantic turtle for the well over 100 years that they can live?
The Galapagos tortoise has been on the endangered species list since 1970, before which there were far fewer restrictions on what could be done with the animals. Since they live so long, many of those animals that were obtained and bred in captivity before 1970 are grandfathered into current laws that restrict the trade of endangered species, but it means they must stay in the state they were bred in and carry the accompanying paperwork.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Ligers
Thanks to their amazing strength and speed, big cats have been the subject of the greatest number of laws at the federal, state, and local levels that restrict their ownership. They have often escaped from whatever cages they are kept in and their attacks have many times turned out to be fatal. For this reason big cats and their hybrids are generally the most common to be singled out in state regulations limiting the possession of exotic pets. They are also limited by federal law through the Captive Wildlife Safety Act, which states that no big cats or their hybrids may be taken across state lines.
That means no ligers, perhaps the coolest of all animal hybrids ever conceived of by man. The offspring of a male lion and female tiger, the liger is bigger than either parent species, making it the largest cat in existence. While certain licensed animal sanctuaries and zoos are allowed to keep ligers, one look at a full-grown adult is enough to explain why the creature is best kept out of most people’s hands.
Photo Credit: aliwest44
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Wolves
Dogs have long been a status symbol for people, perhaps because the incredible amount to which the animals have been cross-bred have created hundreds of species. Despite the success of domesticated dogs, though, their wild counterpart that all dogs are descended from have not learned to live well with humans.
For this reason wolves are banned in most states and localities, as they are notoriously difficult to keep behind bars.
Despite this fact, though, there are ways for people to get their wolf fix, since some states allow you to keep wolf-dog hybrids that are almost as good as the real thing. While some like Massachusetts explicitly ban hybrids, most restrict only the wolf itself rather than its hybrid descendants.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Black Mambas
Regulations on reptiles generally concern the poisonous ones, so while relaxed statutes on constricting snakes like pythons and boa constrictors mean they are significantly easier to get (and significantly more likely to be abandoned and cause problems), snake lovers who like to live dangerously will have a much harder time getting their hands on a black mamba.
Black mambas are the most venomous snakes on the planet, and their bites are often lethal – especially because they tend to strike multiple times when they strike at all. Death comes within about 20 minutes if no antivenin is around. What’s more, the snake’s relatively harmless appearance (no rattle, no distinct head shape) make it even more dangerous.
Photo Credit: CC/TimVickers
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Pandas
The giant panda that has inspired children’s toys for centuries and Chinese folklore for millennia benefits from a blanket ban on being moved across state lines in the U.S., thanks to its position on the Fish & Wildlife Service’s endangered species list.
As cuddly as they look, pandas are big and strong like other bears, and although they may not be as violent as species like the grizzly or black bear, they have occasionally put the humans that care for them in zoos in danger.
There's no doubt that pandas would make awesome pets, but there is a reason their ownership is restricted in the U.S., both for their protection and for ours.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Saltwater Crocodiles
With the astonishingly high number of attacks involving alligators and crocodiles, it may be surprising to know that the majority of states in this union specifically ban crocodiles and alligators in their overall animal control legislation. One of those is Florida, where just last week a teenager caught a 12-foot alligator while out fishing.
But even cooler than alligators are the larger crocodiles, which have a slightly different head shape and can grow to be significantly larger than their cousins. Just this month villagers in a rural area of the Phillippines captured a 21-foot saltwater crocodile believed to be the biggest ever caught on the planet.
In any case, saltwater crocs are listed on the Fish & Wildlife Service’s endangered species list, so anyone caught trafficking in the giant reptiles faces hefty fines.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Bald Eagles
Without a doubt, the majestic bald eagle is the coolest pet that you can’t have. It’s our national bird and an awesome predator to boot, and surely would find a ready market among the political class. An American-flag lapel pin looks pretty lame if the candidate standing next to you at the debate has a bald eagle on his or her arm.
Unfortunately, this awesome bird is thoroughly protected by the 1940 Bald and Golden Eagle Protection Act, which prohibits anyone from killing, capturing, owning, or in any way disturbing the eagles in America. Any violators get slapped with a $100,000 fine, so keep that in mind on your next hunting trip.
The only Americans who can in any way own a bald eagle are Native Americans - members of any federally recognized tribe may apply to the Fish & Wildlife Service’s National Eagle Repository in Denver, Co., to be given bald eagle parts or feathers to be used for ceremonial purposes only.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
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