Dating Later in Life Means Different Rules

Some people have told me that because I’m serious-minded in my approach to the Facebook Dating Project it could be a turn-off for men. But can you really tell me that there aren’t men out there looking for a serious relationship too? See above. Frivolous set-ups and dates are fun. But if you’re looking for a long-term relationship and realize you’re going down a road to nowhere, you should exit before you invest any more of your time, money or heart.

The conversations about marriage and children with The Captain were eye opening. When we spoke about children we eventually got to, “If we had children I’d have to get a job.” We are both freelancers who pay for our own benefits and expenses. To keep my costs down I don’t have maternity coverage on my health insurance plan. Would I go back to a corporate job that I hated just so I could get a benefits package and feel more secure? Maybe. Even if it wasn’t with The Captain this was a question I was going to have to eventually answer.

Now, as for The Captain, I think it’s important for you to know how it ended. After I canceled our trip to Vegas things were never the same. He invited me over for dinner the night before he was leaving town. As the day progressed the plans whittled down to just coming over at 10 p.m. to watch a movie. We didn’t make love. We didn’t kiss. Instead, we had another talk.

Actions speak louder than words and The Captain and I talked about our relationship far more than we ever participated in it. He asked to read these articles and said he enjoyed them and pushed me to talk about what I was really looking for. It was an intimate conversation on both sides. He said he would miss me while he was gone. He summed it up by saying, “I think you really like me but you’ve been hesitating because I’ve been giving you confusing signals.” I thanked him for summing it up so well.

Those were the last words he really ever spoke to me. The next morning he silently walked me to my car and said, “I’m sorry this is awkward for you. See ya,” and walked away. He called that night to apologize but it was like I was talking to a total stranger. For the last month of our pseudo-relationship we spoke every single day. Now he couldn’t find any words.

Then a break-through: Facebook was about to end the relationship it started. A friend told me about a a status update on The Captain's Facebook page that he was in a relationship. And not with me. And it was posted the very day I left his house.

In a previous article about the rules of dating on Facebook I talked about the ramifications of changing your status. When you do it – you’re committed. You’re letting everyone know you’re IN. Imagine my shock and humiliation at finding something like this out via the very project that I write about!