Making Cents of Divorce

Breaking up is never easy. But it certainly isn’t cheap either. With the economy on the rocks, more couples than ever are reportedly staying together to save the cost of a messy divorce.

“The economic benefits are quite frankly, huge,” says Brette Sember, author of The Complete Divorce Handbook. “When you are married you have X amount of dollars that support one home (one set of utilities, mortgage, insurance, etc). When you divorce you still have the same X number of dollars, but it now must be divided between two households and two mortgages.”

She adds: “I think one of the key problems people are facing is that they can't sell the marital home and the debt on it may be overwhelming. I'm hearing from a lot of people about how they simply don't know what to do. They want out of this house so they can move on, but they can't get it sold.”

But there’s more than just real-estate costs adding up in today’s high-priced divorces.

When each side has its own team of lawyers, the legal fees can add up to figures that would otherwise be sizable portions of a settlement. Psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina explains, “Both parties are angry, and lawyers, by the nature of their profession, seek to get the most for their client. This creates a toxic, competitive atmosphere that pushes up court costs and lawyer fees. Keep your personal fight out of the legal arena, and you'll do much better. Give a little more in the financial area to save a lot in legal fees.”

If you’re staying together to protect your investments, however, Dr. Rosemary Lichtman, an expert at www.divorce360.com, recommends taking that time to reexamine your relationship.

“When couples view the marriage itself as an investment and make efforts to appreciate and grow it, putting off a divorce may actually avoid one in the future if trust and loyalty are rebuilt. The couple would need to work on developing open and honest communication, use cooperation and compromise in resolving conflicts and practice fair fighting. These skills would help the couple stay together through boom as well as bust markets.”

If you’ve exhausted these options, though, there are ways to split “The most cost-effective way to go through a divorce is to use a collaborative approach where both lawyers collaborate on behalf of their clients,” says Dr. Mark Goulston, author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship: How to Fall in Love Again...and Stay There. “The cheapest way is to sit down with a single attorney to just draw up the papers and utilize something like the [child support calculator] Dissomaster to determine alimony, child support and other financial arrangements.”

Of course, one common part of the divorce process is one party’s attempt to gouge the other, seeking financial compensation for emotional pain. But when times are tough, some experts predict that quick resolutions will begin to trump revenge fantasies.

“Ultimately, the cheapest way to divorce is for both partners to wish the best for one another and to be fair in their demands,’ says Brenda Shoshanna, another expert at divorce360. “Many costs are incurred through anger, the wish for revenge and compulsive spending which arises from the anxiety the individual feels.”