“Stand the way that they are standing,” he says. “It sends an unconscious signal. People like people that are like themselves. Just don’t start laughing when it works.”
How to Remedy the Relationship
If the situation can’t be remedied indirectly, you should address conflicts head on. All experts agree it’s perfectly acceptable to talk to the co-workers from whom you get a less-than-amicable vibe, as long as you refrain from treating it as a confrontation.
“We need to be able to put these issues on the table,” Wall says.
Patterson suggests asking the co-worker in question if you can set time aside to talk about how you can both work better together. He says to focus on perceptions and feelings in lieu of making direct accusations about behavior. For instance, you don’t want to say “I saw you roll your eyes are me in the meeting. Why?”
You also should avoid becoming defensive.
“You need to make it safe for them to say what they are thinking,” Patterson says. The best way to do this is to treat the conversation similarly to the one you had with the close confidant, the goal being to gain insight into the behaviors others perceive as off-putting. When executed correctly, Patterson says, the conversation itself can improve a working relationship, as it illustrates your willingness to communicate.
“You’re holding yourself accountable,” Wall agrees.
The final step is to name one or two things you plan on working on in your behavior and agreeing to follow up later.
What can you do if your boss is not the one you’re getting along with? MainStreet has a few suggestions.
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